3 Tips for Sharing Opinions Respectfully This Thanksgiving

Name one person who changed their mind over a Thanksgiving dinner

We all have that one relative we avoid at the Thanksgiving table. That uncle who brings up abortion before the potatoes have been mashed or the cousin who can’t help but give her two cents on gun laws even though no one asked.

It’s natural to want to talk about your interests or what you’re passionate about, especially with family. But not every family member needs to know everything. And you don’t have to share your thoughts at the dinner table to have a good dialogue. Here are 3 tips for having respectful and fulfilling conversations this holiday season.

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1. Not everyone needs to know everything

As stated at the beginning, the entire family doesn’t need to be in every conversation. Be selective with whom you have these harder conversations.

If you try to bring everyone into a conversation, you’re going to get a lot of white noise instead of laser-focused attention from the relatives who actually care about the topic and you. Have these heavier conversations with relatives who are able to hold varying perspectives and respect opposing voices. And make sure you do the same.

2 . Equally listen to others

Conversations are give-and-take. If you want people to listen to you, you have to listen to others. And not just to respond with a clap back. Intentionally listen to the relatives who took the time to intentionally listen to you. Dialogue is a two-way street, no matter how right you think you are. Remember, your goal should be to learn more about your relative, not persuade them to your way of thinking. Name one person who changed their mind over a Thanksgiving dinner.

3. Have the harder conversations with relatives you keep in touch with

Dialogue on hard topics can’t be done in a one-off. Dialogue is a long game. Don’t just hash it out with the aunt you see once a year and then walk away. That conversation will have no lasting value on either of your lives and is, therefore, a waste of time. It might actually make your relationships worse.

If you want to have in-depth conversations about polarizing topics, do so with people you regularly see. This way you’ve got some preestablished equity and trust with them and you know you’ll be able to touch base with them throughout the year to keep the line of communication open. These ongoing conversations will further develop your relationship and help both of you practice making space for varying perspectives. A win-win.

3 Tips for Sharing Opinions Respectfully This Thanksgiving was originally published in Better Humans on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.