Dec
3 things to avoid when discussing sexuality
Discussing sexuality is personal and is not public information we have a right to know. But when we do find ourselves discussing sexuality with someone who has trusted us with this information, it can be a great way to learn about someone and how we can better support them. The important thing to remember is that sexuality is a deeply personal topic that should only be discussed with each person’s permission. Here are three tips to having healthy conversations around sexuality.
1 Don’t ask someone what their sexuality is.
Would you go up to a stranger and ask who they like to be intimate with? No. If someone says they would like to share or made it clear they’re open to discussing it, you can move forward with a conversation. But avoid outright asking anyone what their sexuality is, especially if they’re a new acquaintance. Follow their lead and avoid prying questions. Instead, focus on listening and responding with empathy.
2. Avoid graphic questions.
Again, we don’t ask strangers about the intricacies of intimacy. Ask questions that evoke a dialogue or storytelling. Try asking things like “What’s one thing you’d like me to know about the LGBTQ+ community?” “Do you have a strong support system? I’d love to be a part of that system in any way I can.” We want to avoid graphic or overly detailed questions and instead focus on creating a safe space for the person to share as much or as little as they’d like.
3. Don’t ask for proof.
Questions like “How can you be bisexual? I’ve never seen you with a girl?” or “If you’re gay, how come you’ve never been in a same-sex relationship?” are proof-seeking questions. No one owes us proof of their sexual activity so we want to avoid making those kinds of statements. One, it’s none of our business, and two, there’s likely a large part of their story that is unseen by the rest of the world. Just because we don’t see something doesn’t mean it’s not there. Asking for proof of someone’s sexuality comes off as an attempt to invalidate their experiences and feelings and is sure to cut off any form of dialogue. Instead, thank them for trusting you with this conversation and ask how you can best support them in their journey.
